When I was a little child I believed in Santa. My belief was steadfast and unchallenged. At Christmas season our family would go to downtown Memphis to shop at the large department stores. At that time most people's favorite was Goldsmith's; it was the largest and had the best Santa. The other two department stores were not as large and glamourous, and their Santas were somehow not as attractive. We kids inevitably asked how Santa could be at all three stores, and readily accepted without question the explanation that the santas at Lowenteins and Gerbers were "santa's helpers".

Inevitably, as we grew older, there came a day when we talked about Santa at elementary school, and were told by other kids that there was no Santa. We argued with them, didn't believe them when they appealed to reason, and when they said that their parents had told them.

We went home and "slyly" began to challenge our parents about this, being told at first that of course there was a Santa, and then being told .....if you didn't believe in him he will not come to see you.

Challenged with this onslaught of questions, our parent's bravely defended Santa, until one day when my mother was overcome with anger about something else, and told me, "Of course there is no Santa Clause". Crying, I exclaimed, "Yes there is a Santa!" and maintained this stand for some period of time, abutted by threats of no gifts if I told my younger brother.

The tension of maintaining this position being too great and too absurd, in short time I joined the big folks world, proudly proclaiming the non-existence of Santa to my classmates. This position I maintained for many years, letting my own children believe in Santa, probably mostly at my wife's insistense. but making sure that I was the one who broke the news to each of them.

Now, so many years later I look back at my belief, and unbelief, and realize that, sadly enough, all stages were necessary.

Many years ago I asked my very wise father-in-law, Terrell Lott, what I would have to do to join the Masons. To paraphrase, he said, "You have to believe that God is the supreme being...or say you do if you don't."

I believe in Santa.